Here are some questions people tend to ask me when I start talking about how and why I never lie. I'm also including some questions people have asked me about this blog. I'm sure I'll come up with more as the conversation grows!
Doesn't everyone lie sometimes? Even if you try not to, no one is perfect.
Not lying doesn't mean I'm perfect. I also don't smoke crack, go on killing sprees or commit adultery. You can be consistent about avoiding kinds of bad behavior without being perfect.
You probably do lie without realizing it.
I will argue that this is actually impossible, because lying requires deliberate intent. I have a whole series of blog posts about this very subject, called the Intentional Honesty series. You can read the first one here, and it has a link to all the other posts in the series.
What about if your friend asks you if you think the new love of her life is cute, but he looks like Quasimodo's ugly brother?
In my experience, this kind of situation is highly unlikely if you are consistent about telling the truth to people in your life. Being consistently honest means that people learn that they shouldn't ask you for false or veiled reassurance, nor should they ask you for an opinion they may not be ready to hear. Also, I don't find that this kind of situation comes up nearly as often as people imply when they offer this kind of rebuttal to consistent honesty. When was the last time your friend asked you if you thought her new boyfriend was hot? Only really needy people ask for this kind of reassurance, and you're not doing them any favors by indulging their neediness and lying to them. Finally, even if he's uglier than sin on Sunday, you can say you don't find him attractive without dissecting his many flaws - you can tell the truth without being needlessly brutal or hurtful.
What about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy? Don't you have to lie to kids about those?
You totally don't; in fact, I think it's harmful and damaging to parent/child relationships to tell even little white lies to children. Here is my holiday-inspired post about that!
I met a guy once who was into 'Radical Honesty'. He was a pervert, kind of a jackass and nobody liked him. Are you advocating the same kind of lifestyle?
ALL kinds of no. I'm not into Radical Honesty (Google it!) and think it's a disingenuous, antisocial philosophy. What I think is really different from what Radical Honesty practitioners think. I call my philosophy "Consistent Honesty" because it's a commitment to being consistently mindful about the ethics of truth-telling.
What about if Nazis came to your door looking for Anne Frank? WHAT THEN?!
Because this is the Internet, so the Nazis invariably come up in every debate. :) Look, if you're in that kind of extraordinary situation, the importance here is ethics. Is telling the truth going to get an innocent person killed? Then lie through your teeth. Are you obligated to be honest to hostile invaders who plan to use the information you give them to terrorize innocent people? Then you lie. I don't even see how that's a real ethical consideration. I would, however, add the caveat that this applies to extreme, life-or-death situations only. Your mom potentially getting mad at you for breaking her favorite vase or your tone-deaf best friend asking if she should give up her day job to become a Broadway star aren't in the same category of ethical considerations. Just because it's okay to lie to the Nazis doesn't mean it's okay to lie to them.
